ii hate myself.

Now then ii realised haven't been posting for centuries of years. The last post was on 1st January. Imagine how long ago that was. No longer love myself, hate myself instead. Hate myself for being led by the nose by people [the saying in chinese; bei ren qian zhe bi zi zou]; hate myself for having no guts to reject; always giving in though ii'm not quite willing to.

Ever since that incident, everything had changed. We didn't seem as close as we used to be anymore. On the contrary, we seemed to have drifted apart. The first person that came to her mind when she feels bored is her. When ii texted her, ii received sarcastic replies. Explained that ii worked late that's why didn't msg her lest ii disturbed her. Her replies made me so pissed off that ii almost threw my phone out of the window.

When ii replied her late, she complained why ii took such a long time to reply; might as well don't reply. When ii texted her after my work, she complained again. I really don't know what she wants me to do. I replied her late, she's angry. I don't text her, she's also angry. But no matter if she replied her late or she never text her, she's okay with it. I have to work. I can't always be staring at my phone all the time, waiting to receive your msg and reply you. YES, I HAVE TO WORK. Isn't that what you always love to say?

When you asked if ii'm angry, ii wasn't but ii felt disappointed more. Certain things ii couldn't bring myself to say it to you face to face coz ii knew you would flew into a rage after hearing it. So ii kept to myself. You can never be on time or early when we meet up. Even though ii travelled all the way down to a place which is convenient to you, you're still late. Most of the times ii had to wait for you. You even requested me to text you when ii'm reaching, End up you were still at home when ii've reached. Do you know how it feels to be left waiting alone for whole 30 mins? Surprisingly, you were seldom late when you meet her. Does this means that ii can wait but she couldn't? You always say she says this, she says that. Are those words really said by her or it's just your way of covering up your lies? You never asked for my opinions. Whatever she says, you will go along with it no matter how strongly ii objected.

I'm tired, don't wish to argue with you anymore. Do what you deem fit. I have no idea how long we will last.